I am a job hopper. Now it is not something that I am necessarily proud of, but I do not believe in staying somewhere that makes you miserable or a place where you are not valued. None the less, I have found myself constantly trying to sell myself to companies. Trying to make other people see why I believe I am great.
That part is considerably hard though, especially when I do not always think very highly of myself. The phrase “selling yourself short” comes up quite frequently when discussing this topic with others, but am I really “selling myself short” or am I just preparing myself for rejection? My whole life I have rejected who I am as a person, in an attempt to become what other people want. I am starting to familiarize myself with who I actually am, and not some fantasy of who the world wants me to be. It is difficult though, because the characteristics and talents that I believe make me a great person are not always what others believe are great. So here it is, a list of things that I believe create me:
- I can bake marginally well.
- I can write, at least I believe I can otherwise this whole blog thing is merely a waste of time and money.
- I can sing, though I don’t share this ability with many people anymore.
- I am exceptionally hardworking, but I often push myself too much and too far.
- I am ambitious, but again I set goals that I cannot achieve in the amount of time I wish.
- I am a perfectionist when it really counts, but I also have a hard time sticking with things that I do not believe in.
- I can cook, 9/10 times what I make turns out pretty good.
- I am loyal, but this causes me to trust too easily sometimes.
- I believe in and see the best in people.
- I do not see myself as great.
- I blame myself for the deaths of my friends, even though I had no part in any of them or was made privy to them prior. But I always feel as though I could have done something to stop it.
- I am exceptionally compassionate.
- I know how to use Word.
- If I do not know something, and I feel I need to know, I will always take the time out to find out. This ranges from important things like how to do a job, all the way to random facts about animals.
- I have depression, but depression does not have me… most of the time.
- I am not a ‘neat’ person, my home is often messy, but I know exactly where things are most of the time.
- I am growing. As a person, I am constantly changing and growing and adapting to what the world gives me. I hope that I am going in the right direction.
- I am scared. Scared of what will come in life and how I will be affected by it.
- I am terrified of disappointing the ones who matter the most to me. Especially my mom.
- I am trying.
The thing about this list is, that while I listed good attributes, I also listed many of my faults. This list could go on forever and more likely than not there would be more faults than anything. This is because I feel like faults are just as important. I feel that, if you only share the great things about yourself, only share the things that others want in order to sell yourself to them, then you really are selling yourself short because there is so much more in you than just the great, and that I what makes you great.