Someone once said that we accept the love that we think we deserve.
What if we don’t believe that we deserve love?
The immediate reaction to this, and I know I will get it, is to tell each other that someone will love you, you are loved, you cannot think that way, you cannot be loved if you do not love yourself, etc. etc.
This is not what I am trying to discuss. Take away the angst and the attention seeking mindset that predetermines that phrase.
Now, instead of viewing this as “wow they must really hate themselves and be depressed and want people to tell them that they are loved’ view it for the actual meaning.
We do not DESERVE love. See that word in all caps? Deserve. We do not deserve love. Take it one step further, we do not deserve happiness. I know what you are thinking, but hold on and take it one step further.
We do not deserve anything.
Think about it though, the world does not owe us anything, we as a collective race are not deserving of anything from the world. So if we take out this deciding word, remove the idea that we deserve anything from others, what are we left with?
We accept love.
When we do not believe that we are owed a specific form of affection from others and we open ourselves to this possibility it is, in my opinion, easier to accept that which is given. I can openly accept people’s love and affection because I am no longer of the mindset that I can’t accept it because I do not deserve it. I also realize the difference between healthy love and toxic love and that I do not have to accept that which is toxic because I think that is all I am deserving of. When you take out the word deserve, it becomes easier to just accept love for what it is and to see it for what it is.
Now what if we did the same thing with happiness?
I was told recently that I deserve to be happy all the time, and first off that comment is just a steaming pile of crap. The initial reasoning being that if I was happy all the time then I would not be able to experience the world for what it is, I would not be able to feel anything else, and that is not a world that I would want to live in. I’ll gladly take the depression, and the anger, and the hurt, and the longing, and the excitement, and the passion, and all of the other feelings that I can experience other than just plain old happy.
Anyways, I digress from this particular point to focus on what it would mean to live knowing you do not deserve happiness. Personally, I think we make our own happiness and again nothing is owed to us. It is no one else’s job to produce my personal happiness and I cannot depend on others to make me happy. It is not fair to them because they do not owe me shit. Is it possible that we can be happier in the long run by adapting this philosophy?
Who knows? Definitely not me. I’m just a majorly sleep deprived, caffeine hyped, twenty year old who is barely dipping her toes into the ocean that is philosophy. However, I hope to find out.